I read a post on the Exponent II blog the other day, Putting Down the Armor of God. The writer no longer attends LDS temples and wrote about not wearing temple underclothing anymore.
Before I even read the post, the title caught my attention. I knew it was about the temple, but that’s not how I connected with the concept.
My “putting down the armor of God” is different: I’m thinking about actual armor – metal breastplates and shields and swords and all the imagery of the Knights of the Roundtable. And I am all about putting that down.
Summer 2021 was the shift. First, it was an Instagram post quoting Sheri Dew – that women are “the Lord’s secret weapon.” First of all, umm, how am I a weapon? I was a Relief Society president who spent the 2020 Covid quarantine sending cutsey cards in the mail, and did ministering interviews at Panera to just visit with the women. That’s not a weapon – I don’t think there’s a less aggressive way to be an RS Pres. But secret … well, I frequently didn’t tell the women it was a ministering interview. We were just friends going out to breakfast! But weapon or no, doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of sharing God’s love if we’re a SECRET? I thought a lot about how I’m NOT a secret weapon for anyone, even Jesus.
A month later, an Instagram post again, this one by Emily Belle Freeman (who later became Young Women general president). She shared a beautiful story of a woman who made her home into a refuge for her family and friends – a place to get away from stress and angst, and just be loved. It sounded great! But then she ended it with “calling all warriors!” to … build loving homes … wait … as WARRIORS? The fighting people? I’d been reading along and picturing a peaceful place, and that word was a harsh splash of ice water that ruined the whole image for me.
Another month – for real – these things happened in June, July, and August right in a row – and a third Instagram post alerted me to Elder Holland’s “musket fire” speech to BYU faculty. He used an appalling gun analogy to discuss how he wanted BYU faculty and staff to respond to LGBTQ students – “building the temple with a trowel in one hand and a musket in the other” to fight off opposition. It was especially tone-deaf since just the week before, a gay couple had gone camping in southern Utah and later both were found dead from being shot.
Strike three, and I’m out. Not out of the LDS Church, but out of the war analogies with all their insinuations of enemies and violence, out of the oppositional fighting mentality. If “defending the faith” and “standing for truth and righteous” means that I have to view other people as enemies that are out to get me, then I put down the armor of God. I’m not playing that game anymore. It makes no sense to me to share the love of God as a military unit, barricaded behind mental and emotional walls away from connection and community.
I will never have a trowel in one hand and a musket in the other. I have homemade bread in one hand, my Visa card and keys in my pocket, and nothing in my other hand to put my arm around your shoulders as we walk to my car and go to Panera for breakfast, or an ice cream shop in the evening.
I am not a warrior. My home is a sanctuary of peace where LGBT teens and anyone else will always find a bowl of popcorn and games on the Switch, where disaffected Mormons can talk freely about their frustrations, and we all work harder at being more loving.
I am not a weapon, secret or otherwise. I’m not in the Lord’s battalion. I won’t even sing militaristic hymns in church anymore, with words like warrior or battle or fight or any other word with the same connotation. If any word like that is even in one verse, I will not sing it.
I have put down the armor of God, and I do my best to share the love of God. Isn’t that the whole point of the Two Great Commandments? Love God, love your neighbor as yourself. That’s it. No warriors, no armor, no muskets or other weapons.